A Day at the Movie

This is for G, who issued the following challenge: an entire day without mentionning the words 'failed relationship', 'stupid git', 'boys suck' and 'mixed signals'. So here's a totally un-complicated report of an un-complicated day with un-complicated people.  (Ok I'm lying with the un-complicated people, but two out of three is still pretty good).  So here it is G, shame on you for doubting me. 

I went to the movies today.  Last time I went, it was an incontestably girly outing, both in the choice of movie (Confessions of a Shopaholic) and in the choice of my entourage (aka Mariame), but this time, it was all boy territory, on both parts: Watchmen and K.P.. 

 The initial awkward moment that inevitably occur when you haven’t seen someone for a while (although I’m known to be awkward no matter what so maybe I’m just making excuses) was quickly discarded as K.P. made yet another appropriate comment about me being...  how shall I put this? … vertically challenged, to which I promptly answered with a probably inappropriate and unthreatening physical threat.  Note to self: when on a moving staircase, don’t place yourself lower than the people you’re with.   

 K.P. also discovered something Caro knows very well (and my parents but they’ve known me for 20 years so…): I’m highly, very, extremely indecisive.  I’m pretty sure at one point he wanted to shake me like a banana tree (I know, my metaphors suck) and scream : MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND WOMAN!  So for further references, NO I don’t know where I want to sit (and I don’t really mind), and NO, I don’t know what I want to eat.  As long as it’s not healthy.       

 K.P. enjoyed the movie and even if he hadn’t, I’m pretty sure I was entertainment enough to cover the price of admission.  And I don’t mean entertaining in the traditional meaning i.e. witty comments and hilarious jokes, no, I mean sheer embarrassing antics.  I don’t know how you watch your movies, but I really, really, but really, get into it.  I jumped, I startled, I hissed and I, in an unfortunate childlike move, had to cover my eyes with my hands when it got too intense.  This is also why I shall never see a horror movie with a tierce person.  And I tried (tried being the key word here) to not show how sugar-addicted I am, but K.P. kept offering me candies.  It would have been rude to always say no and my mommy taught me to never be rude.  So really, if I think about it, K.P. and my mom are to blame.  Not me.  And I kept saying thank you every time he offered me one, which isn’t really necessary and kind of redundant I guess, seeing as I probably said thank you a gazillion times.  He laughed every time.                

 My biggest achievement is probably not choking to death when a stray gummy bear found its way into my oesophagus during one really awkward sex scene.  Sliding down in my seat, I ignored my first instinct which was to cough it out in an undeniably unladylike manner and I swallowed it whole, hurting my throat in the process but keeping my pride intact, and gulped down a four dollars bottle of water.

 I somehow suppressed the urge to reveal this unfortunate gummy-bear-attempt-on-my-life and along with it, my clumsy nature.  It will certainly be revealed soon enough.  Or if K.P. hasn’t figured it out in the three years we’ve known each other, he’s either not as smart as I thought or I somehow was able to fool a lot more people than I thought into thinking that I’m a normal, graceful person.  I like to think it’s the latter.

 I have to come back to the subject of that one awkward sex scene.  I don’t see myself as a sexpert (I’m sorry, I just had to use that horrible pun of a word) but here are four reasons it was so awkward (or maybe I’m just a prude):

Reason #1: They’re doing in on some sort of flying vehicle shaped like what seems to be a balloon-fish.

Reason #2: Aforementioned flying-balloon-fish-vehicle spits fire.

Reason #3 : Hallelujah is playing in the background.

Reason #4: She’s doing it with a loser.  A poetic loser, but a loser nonetheless.

 There was a bit of an argument when K.P. couldn’t find another word to describe me than ‘cute’ which prompted him to present me with a myriad of synonyms later in the evening, all of which were a bit suspicious.  Looks like Le nouveau dictionnaire de synonymes doesn’t hold all the answers.  But I think he settled on the word “mignon”.  And anyway, I don’t really mind K.P. using that term to describe me because there are worst things to be called than ‘cute’.  Like Magflumsyglucosaurus (right, Paul?) or some highly offensives words (coughmeanTimothycough).  Now I need to find a word to describe him.  Because Self-proclaimed-Nerboy-#1 is a bit long to use.         

 And I guess I should have let K.P. escort me back home because I seem to have a big WEIRDOS BAIT written all over me.  Maybe I’m a bit shy or downright prudish (as mentioned before), but I don’t think staring and stalking someone in the subway is proper social etiquette.  I’m sure it’s because I’m too unthreatening and weak-looking but there’s nothing I can do about it, short of biting everyone’s head off when they approach me.  And that’s not in my nature.  But the next one to follow me everywhere I go in the subway will find my wrath.  So beware crazy-weirdo-stalkers.  The warning is issued.