Theory vs Practice

Any sciences student is familiar with the little Theory/Practice argument.  But when you apply that particular dichotomic pair to life and love, all bets are off.  Or in a less elegantly worded way, the shit hits the fan.  And I've been plagued with the "theorically" curse.  

I'm perfect for him.  On a theoretical level.  And I don't know if you've been following, but in life, practice pretty much kicks theory's ass.  Which doesn't bode well for me.

I once had a friend who told me I was the perfect girl for him.  He said I 'was cute, funny, smart and his parents loved me'.  Then he killed it by saying this was why we'd probably never work out as a couple.  Just the thing you want to hear when you really really like this guy.  

Alright, so... let me get this straight: you should only go out with people who are completely, utterly wrong for you.  Fair enough.  But the thing is, I've done the whole dating-the-wrong-guy thing.  All I want now is the right guy.  

The right guy who'll probably say "You're too perfect for me.  I'll come back to you when I'm done dating all those perfectly wrong girls.  See you in another life."    

So...despite what Paul might say, I am pretty much pathetic.  But at least, I'm not a coward (alright, reading previous posts might prove that statement false, but whatever).  Because most of the time, I think people go for the wrong person because they're scared.  Finding the right person can be scary, because the stakes are higher.  And so we go on a sabotaging quest in order to not get hurt, I guess.  Which isn't logical, but since when has logic had anything to do with love?

It's like the Archie situation.  Now, I grew up with that comics and I don't really know how a freckle-faced, red-haired teen going back and forth between two best friends is good role model material, but anyway... Apparently, Archie Andrews is ready to grow up, and is proposing to rich and bitchy brunette, Veronica Lodge.  While sweet, honest blonde Betty Cooper is kicked to the curb.  The usual consensus is that he chose wrong.  And indeniably, Veronica is all wrong for Archie, but to be honest, they deserve each other.  I always thought Betty deserved better than a guy who, were we in real life, would be titled a cheater.  And anyway, I've always been a Jughead fan, despite his apparent misogyny.  At least he wasn't all about playing games.  And he ate like an army, which is always something to look for in a guy.

My new resolution (which I hope I'll keep, unlike my new year's one) is to not let fear stop me from embracing love.  I want to regain that kind of faith I used to have, when I thought life could only get better.  Wish me luck.  I'm pretty sure it's gonna be one hell of a ride.  Paul will have something to laugh about when I'll tell him all about my lovescapades.

So Over We Need A New Word For Over

Note to self:

I'm done.  It's over.

Case of the Ex

He's the one that screwed me up, fucked me over, broke me and the one that put me back together multiple times.  Not really in that order.  And now... I'd like to think we're friends. A particular kind of friends. The kind you don't really talk to anymore unless he's drunk-dialing.  The kind who shows up unexpectedly when you least expect it and messes up everything, just when you finally thought you had it all figured out.  The kind you'd like to leave in the past, but always end up bringing up. 

Stupid ex boyfriends.  Sometimes I think I'll never date again, so I'll never ever have another ex boyfriend to worry about.  I'll live as a nun. 

If you're reading this, I've moved on.  Don't bring me back.  Once again.  And I'd like to say we'll be friends, but I'm not one to lie to you, so here is the truth people know but are afraid to say: We won't hang out, we won't spend our birthdays together, we won't have lunch.  We'll be friends, because with our history we can't be less, but in name only.

The ABC of Life As I Know It

Let me see: 

Friendship: Great. P is always there to hear about my pathetic little stories.  C is there with me every step of the way.  And not just because I'm forcing her.  M always offers her expertise, even when she's no expert. Which is great.  G and Ku are showering me with unwavering support. E is just amazing. K is a huge factor in my sanity. S is...good for my emotional health. Mx is willing to go buy bagels in the middle of the night with me.

Love: Disaster.  What's up with Love anyway?  Honestly, subtlety is not appropriate for me.   I'm too slow for it.  Just tell me frankly or else we'll still be there ten years from now.  Really I lack the smart gene when it's about love.  Psychology, Chemistry, Maths... or even Physics, no problem, I'll ace it.  Love?  EPIC FAIL.

Family: I love my family and my family loves me.  The rest is too fragile to talk about.

Academics: If I can convince my friends to go to the same college I'm going to, it will be perfect.  So far, it's a good thing I gave up law and went for medicine, because I suck at convincing people to think like me.

Job:  Good.  

Life is too simple.  It complicates everything.

Am I a Geek If I can't Even Geek-Up My Printer?

Well, I survived my week of hellish stress, only to be brought to my knees by some piece of plastic and ink, namely, my printer.  I've got this amazingly modern printer, designed to print the most amazing pictures, but for the life of me, I can't make it work.  I wonder if I could find a Printer for Dummies somewhere?  

I should have been born in the 18th century, or whenever it was that electricity was a novelty.  I can't even change my bulblight (but to be fair, it's not technological limits...more of a... height limit), going shopping for a new computer gives me the chills and ... I have no idea how I'm gonna handle my new Iphone.  My dad was all happy to offer me one (probably because he'll get my ipod) but honestly... unless there is the app 'iphone for dummies' I'm sure the wonders of the Apple phone will be lost on me.  I'd like to be technology-savvy but... whenever God handed that particular talent, I was probably in line for the clumsiness gene. 

As for the computer... My ibook is now five years old, which in computer years is about a gazillion years old. At least, that's what I've learned from my friends, who can't help but wonder how it is that my mac is still up and running.  I even have a friend who "offered" to throw it out the window so I could get a new one.

So beware, Apple sale assistants.  I'm coming and chances are, you will be earning your salary today. 

Equations of Life

Why is it that whenever one aspect of your life can't get any better, another inevitably takes a downfall? Is this some sort of screwed equation, or even better, some universal rule? Seriously...

Job? Good.
Studies? Great.
Friends? Even better.
Family? The world is falling apart.

It's been a hell of a wake-up call. It was sort of easy to forget for a while and pretend everything was fine, or at least getting better. But now I'm forced to go back home because my father can't deal all alone with my mother's illness. And while her being sick is always in the back of my head, seeing her makes it all the more real. I can't NOT see how skinny she's gotten and how weak she's getting.

What do we do when hope is all we've got and it's not enough anymore?

As bad as the situation is, it made me realize how great my friends are. Rallying around me, offering to go pray for my mom, making sure I always have someone to listen to me... without me having to ask. It means the world to me and it makes me love them even more. Thank you.

The L-Word I'll Never Say

Are we afraid of asking for what really matters?  I think we are.  But in an attempt to NOT generalize (which is harder than it seems) I’ll change my answer for ‘Yes, I am.’  I’ve got no qualms about arguing/asking/demanding for silly little things that wouldn’t even make a blimp on the grand scale of things, but whenever I really really want something, I turn into an all 18^th century-quiety-modest-wallflowery lady.  Please ignore the grammatically incorrect form of the previous statement. 

            I mean, if I want ridiculously expensive, impractical high heels, I find a way around my broke-student status and I buy them.  If I want to not lose contact with an old friend, I write to him inappropriately long messages so he won’t have any choice but answer and remember me.  If I want to wear… anyway, you get the picture. 

But when I really really like a guy (we’re so not ready for the L-word) I get all defensive and try to minimize everything I feel for said guy.  I turn into this person I don’t even know and don’t really like and I play the “friendship” card a bit too much, which is why most of the times, I end up “one of the guys”.  So if I’m really friendly with you, act like nothing you say or do faze me but still giggle awkwardly around you chances are I like you.  And if I throw in a couple of playful insults or roll my eyes at you, chances are, I really, really, but really like you.  God forbid I should act on my feelings and pursue that guy.  Hell would sooner freeze over (although, technically, if Dante was right, the inner circles of Hell are already frozen).  And I know, modern times and all, female empowerment is all the rage and I should so make the first move, but…  I never had to do it in the past and I’m too afraid to do it now.  It was way easier when we were younger and used to throw around the word Love carelessly. 

I don’t like to invest myself fully when it’s about something that really matters to me, because then I’ve got a lot to lose.  I’m a scared coward.  But sometimes I force myself to do it… guess that’s how I got into med school.  But really, I’ve got this weird tendency to pull back whenever things are getting serious.  Just ask my ex boyfriends.  But I'm working on it and I promise, my next relationship, I won't coward away.  I'll talk things through and won't run away when things get complicated.  I mean, it's about time I grow up, right?           

The more you try, the more you fail.  The more you try, the more you succeed.  I guess it’s all a balancing act.  Shame I’ve always sucked at it.   

Mag’s Guide on How to Let a Guy Know You Like Him (follow only if you want to ruin your chances at an healthy relationship)

1.     Don’t be afraid to roll your eyes at him.

2.     See him often and never hint at anything remotely romantic.

3.     Mock everything related to love in front of him.

4.     Talk about HIS lovelife (but only if you’re emotionally strong enough to bare it…I’m not)

5.     Give him relationship advices (but see rule #4)

6.     Never tell him about your feelings. 

So there it is…  Six simple steps to achieve complete misery. 

            Misery can be good.  You know what they say: misery loves company.